Field Notes

The counterintuitive idea that asking people for small favors produces feelings of liking is hard to understand but has been known for centuries. 

People generally believe they must feel warmth and connection before choosing to help someone. Liking people before agreeing to help them seems like the natural order of things. 

But the opposite is also true. 

After doing someone a favor, people begin to like the other party more, even if they felt indifferent about them beforehand. 

This phenomenon is often termed the Ben Franklin Effect because he wrote about using small requests to soften his political rivals. 

In his now-famous example, he once described asking a rival to lend him a rare book. After his rival agreed, he quickly became more friendly toward Franklin, seeking both his company and assistance. 

The logic behind this effect is straightforward. People don’t generally help others they dislike, so if they agree to a small request or favor, they reason they must like them after all. 

The need to align our beliefs and actions is a powerful force, described by multiple psychological theories such as Cognitive Dissonance, Self-Perception Theory, and Impression Management Theory.  

As it turns out, helping others also leads people to believe they have invested in them. As a result, any success they have feels shared. 

Leaders like people more who ask them for their advice and seek their feedback. The leader will often feel prideful for the other person’s success. 

This is why mentors, coaches, and leaders often feel more deeply connected and committed to those who actively seek their guidance.  

Favors and shared efforts together are a powerful combo in the workplace. People like to feel helpful and needed. 

Leaders who ask team members to help them in various small projects, initiatives, and tasks give them the attention they crave. The more these requests are seen as doing the leader a favor, rather than complying with a directive, the more connection team members feel. 

Granting small favors helps to build rapport, trust, and likability for both leaders and team members. People feel more connected when they are asked to contribute, especially to requests that seem personal and confidential. 

Leaders do this naturally with their most trusted and valued relationships. Making a habit of broadening the small requests they make of others is a way for leaders to enhance their relationship with those they don’t know as well or feel as connected to. 

Thoughtful favors that signal respect and show a genuine interest in others are best, of course. Requesting an introduction, asking for advice, seeking a ride, validating an idea, requesting a check or edit, thinking through a decision, and soliciting a demonstration are common examples. 

Used sparingly and sincerely, asking and receiving small favors can create deeper affection, attachment, and likeability in relationships both in the workplace and in personal life. 

This effect flips our assumption about generosity. We don’t just help people we like. We start liking the people we help. 

Could you do us a favor and share a favorite Field Note with a leader you know? We like you more already.