Disrespect between team members can severely change how the larger team interacts.
When it is obvious that one or more team members disrespect the competence or character of a colleague, the dynamic within the team becomes guarded, uncomfortable, and less open.
Leaders must stop the damage and fix the problem before it poisons the entire team.
Trying to change the hardened beliefs of team members who have found a reason to disrespect each other is a painstaking process that often fails.
Once a team member believes a colleague lacks the skill to do the job or has moral failings, those feelings often become further cemented with time.
Good leaders explain to both parties why they stand in support of each team member.
This can sometimes soften the distaste people feel, but rarely resolves the problem. Team members generally trust their own experience and views when evaluating the skillfulness and integrity of their peers.
But doubt in a colleague’s competence or character and showing disrespect are two different things.
Good leaders draw a hard line between belief and display.
The internal views team members have of each other do not have to result in observable disrespect.
Leaders must insist that those who harbor disrespect never display it during team interactions. When they do, the entire team becomes embroiled in the conflict.
Any time leaders observe or sense disrespect, so do other team members. Good leaders call out disrespect in the moment to prevent the derision from undermining the team dynamic.
There are very few times when leaders should confront team members publicly about their behavior. Displaying disrespect toward others openly is one of them.
A leader who declares, “That comment crossed the line. We don’t speak to each other that way here,” in the moment squashes the contempt and sets clear rules for engagement going forward.
Correcting the transgression in real time sounds harsh, but leaders are charged with ensuring the safety of all team members. Protecting the person being maligned is not optional. The correction can’t wait until later.
Leaders must remember that tolerating open disrespect, no matter how much evidence one party has for their views, encourages more of it.
Silence from the leader in the moment is typically read as agreement.
Any patience with an expression of disrespect between team members will exacerbate the issue and change the team’s comfort level with discussing issues openly.
Strong leaders put a stop to disrespectful commentary and action when it occurs. They may not be able to change the beliefs of team members about each other, but they can insist on professional protocol in each and every team discussion. That team standard is never negotiable.
