Good leaders are strong advocates, confident in their views, and have an ability to persuade others through sound and compelling arguments.
Persuasive advocates believe deeply in what they are proposing and marshal passion and enthusiasm to make their case. Passion sells, but it can sometimes go too far.
Without meaning to, strong and passionate advocates sometimes cross the line and say things others find demeaning. In their desire to express themselves with conviction, they can make others feel less than, small, or unimportant.
Condescension is rarely done on purpose. Advocates normally don’t realize they are saying disrespectful things but get caught up in their passion and self-belief.
We can all be on guard not to cross the line when we feel most strongly about what we know and believe.
In particular, leaders and advocates should refrain from three ways of belittling others without necessarily meaning to.
Patronizing statements: These are the comments that suggest the advocate is superior to others.
For instance, “That’s a cute idea. It’s nice to see you think more broadly.” Or “I’m sure you’ve thought deeply about this, but let me make this simple for you.”
When advocates are deeply convicted and highly confident, they can unintentionally become patronizing.
Discounting statements: These are statements that project incredulity and a general disregard for the opinions of others. For example, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You need to do your homework.” Such statements drip with condescension.
Countering statements: Advocates sometimes project an opposition when they don’t need to push the point. By going too far in their counterargument, they make people feel small.
Consider expressions like “I know my view is more fully supported than yours,” or “If we followed your approach, we would have seen poor results.”
Condescension can leak out without intention. Strong advocacy can sometimes bring out the worst in what we say to others. Statements clothed in condescension are off-putting and unnecessary.
Great advocates know not to cross those lines and see them as the barbed wire they represent.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
