Being liked, especially by those we work with, is something everyone desires. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.
Through negative body language and expressions, avoidance, critical commentary, and exclusion, a colleague can make it perfectly clear they don’t like you. The question is: What should you do about it?
It’s a good idea to first reflect on the situation and relationship and try to understand the reason for their dislike. Differences in standards, values, and working styles can lead to friction and discomfort.
Consider whether a private conversation to discuss what is bugging them is worth the effort. While it is not uncommon for people who clearly have a dislike to deny that they do, it may be that simply allowing them to air grievances is all that is needed to reset the relationship.
If that attempt falls short, it is essential not to fixate on the reasons for their dislike. Don’t chase the reason for their distaste. The possibilities are nearly infinite, and stressing over them does little good. Accept the fact that this person dislikes you and then take the high road.
Establish a professional and civil tone when interacting with them. Demonstrate your maturity by doing your best to be polite and respectful. Don’t allow their behavior to influence your responses and actions.
If you decide it is worth the effort to refresh the relationships and turn them into allies, there is one strategy that usually works. While “killing them with kindness” or becoming “fake friends” won’t likely win them over, making them feel important often does.
In fact, making this colleague feel good about themselves, with your help, often works magic for resetting the relationship. Making people feel important is an idea as old as Dale Carnegie’s teachings back in the 1930s.
Carnegie suggested that everyone has a fundamental desire to feel significant and respected. He outlined a set of actions that work beautifully to make others feel important.
- Offer sincere appreciation for their specific qualities.
- Show genuine interest in their interests and passions.
- Recognize their contributions, especially in front of others.
- Compliment their skills, talents, and achievements.
- Ask for their advice and opinions, especially about topics where they have expertise.
- Praise their self-improvements, even small ones.
Making the colleague feel valued and important will often turn the tide. In the words of Dale Carnegie, “applause is a receipt, not a bill.” Perhaps a little applause is all that’s needed to dissolve the dislike. If not, take the high road and engage professionally. You will never regret it.
