There are not many axioms of leadership that leaders must carry with them every day and in every situation.
But here is one of them: Groups magnify humiliation, ridicule, and embarrassment for team members.
In other words, the potential for people to feel as if they have been humiliated or embarrassed becomes amplified in group settings.
For leaders, one of the fastest ways to erode trust is to criticize or challenge a team member in front of others. Public correction may seem efficient, but socially, it carries a cost far beyond the content of the feedback.
People are hard-wired to protect their status and belonging to the group. When they feel evaluated, judged, or criticized in a group setting, they experience the emotional pain of ridicule.
Remember, embarrassment and ridicule don’t occur because of what happened. They occur because of who saw it.
Embarrassment and its cousins, humiliation and ridicule, are social emotions. They evolved to protect group membership.
When other people are present, there are more potential judges and a greater risk of reputational damage. The larger or more important the group, the more the brain flags the event as a status risk.
As a result of this “audience effect,” any mistake or feedback feels more public and more permanent. A team member’s brain interprets any public criticism as a bigger social threat, even if no one actually cares or witnesses the offense.
Because people tend to overestimate how much others notice them, this makes the threat seem even larger than it is.
Leaders would also be wise to remember that messages and actions that would not bother a team member privately are sometimes viewed as highly offensive when they are expressed in groups.
A good example is teasing between a leader and a team member. When done privately, a leader who makes fun of or teases a team member they know well makes a point both parties can laugh about.
But the same tease expressed in front of others or in a group setting can create extreme embarrassment and discord on the part of the team member.
In group settings, leaders who point out acts of clumsiness, past mistakes, the mispronunciation of words, erroneous social facts, and personal circumstances, among many other sensitivities, fall into the same trap.
In private, they are inconsequential. In groups, they serve to humiliate.
In a person-to-person conversation, a team member’s embarrassment is contained. In a group, the team member feels like their identity is on display.
Strong leaders understand the fishbowl effect created by groups. They guard against offering criticism, challenge, or feedback directed at any single individual in a group setting.
The best leaders challenge ideas publicly but hold their criticisms of people for private conversations.
Public correction may fix the moment, but it always fractures the future.
