Some leaders and team members say or do the wrong thing.
Frequently.
Those who are self-aware and responsive to feedback set their sights on regulating their behavior whenever they are triggered or find themselves “doing that thing” — the very thing they would prefer not to do.
The hard part is seeing their bad form while they are in action or in the throes of engaging others.
Having someone point out or remind them of their commitment to avoid the bad behavior can be a tremendous aid in helping them break the habit.
But saying so out loud can be embarrassing or off-putting. Such a spoken warning or spotlight will likely be seen as an admonishment and create defensiveness even when it has been requested by the transgressor.
The better plan is to create a code word or phrase that signals the bad behavior is present.
The best code words are not noticed or recognized by others, but they highlight to the offender that they are repeating the mistake they have vowed not to make.
Many have childhood memories of their parents doing something similar to curtail their bad behavior at social functions. It’s just as effective with adults.
Whether a person is speaking too much, using inflammatory language, or disclosing sensitive information, it can be difficult for them to catch themselves in the act. Being engulfed in the action often blinds them to their own behavior.
The code word asks them to pause and reflect on what they are doing. This gives them the chance to course correct and change their behavior mid-stream before real damage is done.
Sometimes the best signals are just an emphasis on a common word or vocalizing the person’s full name. The goal is for no one else to notice the code, but for the transgressor to understand that they have crossed a line and must regulate their behavior.
Before deploying this strategy, be sure to confirm with the leader or team member that they are open to this feedback in the current meeting or situation.
Sometimes leaders prefer not to be reminded or warned in particular circumstances they face. But when they are willing to be accountable, sending a code can be a habit changer.

Using a Code Word to Help Others to Regulate Their Bad Behavior
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