On occasion, a leader must manage a team member who has become paralyzed by self-doubt and self-criticism.
This team member overthinks their choices, incessantly replays conversations, apologizes for no apparent reason, and worries constantly about how they are coming across.
Their behavior negatively influences the team as their colleagues must work around their self-imposed limitations.
Instead of adding the value they are capable of, the self-doubter contaminates the team with a nervous energy, encouraging everyone to focus on their own stresses and anxiety.
This pattern denies the team the opportunity to engage authentically.
Instead of relating as peers, colleagues find themselves cast as validators and emotional supporters. They must now manage not just the work at hand but also the emotional labor of constant reassurance.
The team’s momentum typically slows to accommodate one person’s internal crisis, transforming what should be collaborative work into therapeutic intervention.
The self-doubting team member has effectively made their own feelings, performance, and anxiety the team’s primary concern.
The uncomfortable truth is that the insecure team member’s low self-esteem is more selfish than humble.
Leaders must recognize this dynamic and clarify what’s at stake without shaming the struggling team member.
Self-improvement isn’t selfish. Refusing to work on chronic doubt is.
The person trapped in this pattern owes it to the team to seek genuine help rather than outsourcing their self-esteem issues to colleagues who cannot fix them. Compassion doesn’t mean enabling behavior that damages team function.
The path forward requires an honest conversation about impact, not intent. The team member likely doesn’t realize how their internal struggle radiates outward.
A good leader names this pattern directly, offers external support for addressing it, and sets clear expectations for professional behavior.
Presence, not perfection, is the expectation.
This redirection may not feel comfortable, but people trapped in self-criticism need liberation. The team’s work is waiting for them. They just need to get out of their own way.
Sometimes the kindest thing a leader can do is to refuse to participate in someone’s self-diminishment, insisting instead that they treat themselves—and by extension, the team—with the respect everyone deserves.
Self-doubt becomes selfish the moment it stops being one team member’s problem and starts becoming a problem for the team.
