Some people are popular with others and seem to be liked by nearly everyone they meet.
It might be that they are confident, happy people who exude a warmth others find attractive.
But research into popularity and liking reveals a different answer. As it turns out, the most likable people have the longest lists of people they like. By expressing liking first, people respond in kind.
It shouldn’t come as a big surprise, but the more people you like, the more people like you back. Research behind the Reciprocity of Liking proves that people are attracted to and like others who express liking for them.
In other words, knowing that someone likes you increases your liking of them as well. When people learn that another person likes them, they respond with a reciprocal level of liking and the positive behaviors that reinforce it.
This reciprocity effect occurs in digital interaction as well. People have a strong tendency to reciprocate “likes” on a social media platform, even with people they don’t know.
Receiving the attention and attraction of someone else acts as a reward, validating a person’s self-worth and signaling future support and care. Once the liking becomes mutual, the interest in forging a relationship becomes stronger.
But in the workplace, people are cautious. They tend to express greater liking once they know for surethe other party likes them. So, they look for signs.
Colleagues perceive genuine compliments, positive feedback, attentive listening, making time for small talk, inclusive language (we, our), a willingness to offer assistance, initiating contact, supportive nonverbal gestures (head nods, smiling, eye contact), and asking for advice or opinion as signs that they are liked.
Leaders and team members who express their liking through these and other signs are seen as more likable.
Once they conclude that many of their teammates like them, they reciprocate. When many team members express liking for each other, it creates a positive work climate where strong interpersonal bonds and lasting relationships are formed.
This is one facet of what counts as great team chemistry. It’s not so much that team members naturally fit or identify with each other, but the idea that they like each other that creates a deep connection.
Of course, people who like each other tend to be more supportive, more trusting, and more collaborative. While many leaders look for a complex recipe for team cohesion, one simple answer stands out. Liking and the reciprocity it promotes are often the missing ingredient on teams.
Leaders who encourage more of the behaviors of liking and display them in their own interactions create the most positive workplaces and most cohesive teams. Good leaders ask everyone on the team to expand the list of people they like and to express their liking through action.
Sometimes the most deceivingly simple ideas have the most influence. How likable are you? It often depends on who you like first.
