Relationships are enacted through conversations, both deep and shallow. Relationships are formed and sustained through the shared meaning that conversations provide. The two ideas are so intertwined they are almost indistinguishable. The implications of this connection are powerfully important.
Without a meaningful conversation as a foundation, those who pursue a relationship with others come off more as stalkers than acquaintances who might become trusted partners. We simply don’t trust the intentions of those we haven’t conversed with deeply.
The same is true for the thin relationships formed through social media. When conversation is replaced with photos, running commentary, and bromides, relationships remain superficial and easily avoided or dissolved. Social media per se is not the problem. Used to deepen conversations, the tools of multiple mediums are a boon. But as a substitute for conversation, they fall woefully short and stunt the growth of authentic relationships.
Once the conversation dies, so does the relationship. Rekindling a conversation that has been ignored or neglected is a herculean task. In the end, the only action that can resurrect a conversation (and relationship) that has turned cold is to engage in a new and meaningful conversation. This is never easy. The best leaders don’t let good conversations flatline.
The skills of creating a conversation and nurturing and maintaining it to keep the relationship alive are undervalued, especially by people who mistake the number of acquaintances they know for genuine relationships that provide the opportunity for growth, sustenance, and learning. Nothing replaces the connectivity and affinity born through face-to-face conversations and experiences of value to both parties.
When we want to deepen a relationship (make it more connected and committed), we must enrich and amplify the conversation. Leaders who want to change the tone, depth, or affiliation in a relationship must find a way to change the tone, depth, and affiliation of the conversation.
Weak or thin relationships are created by muted and superficial conversations. Conversely, sturdy and thick relationships are produced through frequent and meaningful conversations. Those leaders who desire to expand and deepen their relationships only have one real choice: they must foster a higher quality set of conversations.
What’s the quality and frequency of your conversations with those who matter to you or who might matter one day soon?
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
