Speed is highly symbolic in relationships.
People interpret speed as a signal of the importance and quality of the relationship.
For instance, response time from someone who has received a message or request is viewed as an indicator of how important the sender is in the relationship.
Faster response times tell people they count and are highly valued.
In more intimate relationships, the faster both parties disclose more personal information, the more quickly they bond or find connection.
In the workplace, the shorter the gaps between conversational turns, the more likely both parties are to believe active listening is taking place.
How quickly leaders admit mistakes, ask people for their input, share humor, and find common ground helps to build trust and connection with others.
Speed with these and related behaviors indicates that leaders want to develop trust and connection with others. By acting more quickly, leaders establish what really matters to them.
Of the many behaviors where speed influences how relationships evolve, the most important one is largely unknown.
Very few leaders fail to appreciate the role validation plays in developing a trusting and respectful relationship.
Validating others fosters more openness, less defensiveness, and more positivity in relationships.
Any time a leader acknowledges the other parties’ thoughts, feelings, or experiences, thereby affirming their self-identity, people feel better about themselves.
People naturally feel more positive and respectful of those who go out of their way to validate and confirm them.
The best leaders introduce speed to this equation. Whenever they can in conversations, good leaders intentionally find a way to validate others.
They pay attention, find agreement, offer compliments, repeat back what others tell them, elaborate on what they have been told, convey approval, react positively, and give empathetic statements to confirm others.
Validating people quickly in conversations often positively changes the trajectory of the exchange.
By affirming how people see themselves as quickly as possible in conversations, leaders create a collaborative climate where people feel supported and engaged and respond in kind.
While validation can occur at any point in a discussion or conversation, doing so early sets the stage and creates the tone that good leaders desire.
Do it on purpose and quickly when you can, and watch what impact the speed of validation can have on the conversation and the parties involved.
The best leaders make it a point to validate people as quickly as they can in conversations for one simple reason: It’s what people most desire from those they respect.
And it’s relatively easy to do. See if you can make it a habit.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
