When feedback is repeatedly ignored by a long-standing colleague, it may be time to pull out a different rabbit from your bag of tricks.
Teammates who fail to respond or course correct after consistent feedback need a stronger message. While confrontation may work to pry them loose from their resistance, many leaders take an entirely different tack to drive the feedback home.
They tease them.
Poking fun at someone in a playful way sends a message that often cuts through resistance to feedback. Better yet, the repetition of a teasing statement is both expected and part of what makes teasing so much fun.
When leaders send feedback through a teasing statement, they use a backdoor to make a point. This often catches people off guard and allows them to internalize the feedback while being protected by the indirect way it is offered.
Of course, the effective use of teasing depends heavily on the strength of the relationship and the willingness of the other party to accept the sarcastic prod as good-intentioned fun. When teasing is unwelcome, it can be viewed as annoying, bullying, or offensive. Good leaders intuitively know who can be teased and who can’t. They also know the lines not to cross, where teasing becomes hurtful rather than playful.
When employed properly, however, teasing sends a message no other form of expression can achieve in the same way. One form of teasing common to leaders is making a bet.
Making a facetious bet is a tease that sends a loud message.
- “I’m going to bet you can’t refrain from offering your opinion in the meeting.”
- “$20 dollars says you won’t make the deadline.”
- “I’ll do 50 pushups if you organize your desk so I can see the tabletop.”
Bets are teasing with a projection that others are incapable of acting on the feedback they have received many times before.
While teasing in its many forms is a risky strategy in new or underdeveloped relationships, leaders with a strong history and connection to specific team members often find it to be a clever way to get people to act.
Those who have mastered this skill can say more with one quip than others can communicate in an hour. That is the power of the tease.
