Although it is sometimes hard for leaders to fully grasp, some team members are simply afraid of disagreement.
They find disagreement to be unusually uncomfortable and disconcerting. Not surprisingly, they avoid expressing dissent or engaging in any sparring over differing views.
Leaders who view cordial disagreement as the pathway to insight, decision quality, and growth are often befuddled by those who have this fear.
Understanding why some team members are afraid of disagreement provides a foundation for correcting it. While it’s obvious that strong disagreement can escalate tensions (and team members may have had an experience that solidified their negative view), other reasons are far more likely.
Consider that some team members fear disagreement because they are afraid of being judged or rejected.
They may perceive that disagreement exposes them and proves they are not as informed or thoughtful as others. This can produce feelings of inadequacy. That would be unsettling for anyone.
Team members, like most people, also have a need to be liked. They prefer not to upset or encourage negative emotions from those they work with. A belief that disagreement may weaken bonds and harm relationships can serve as a major impediment.
For these and other rational reasons, some team members can harbor a strong distaste for disagreement and will disengage from division whenever they can.
However, good leaders know they can’t create the outcomes and quality decisions they need without everyone on the team speaking candidly about their views, even when it leads to disagreement.
Team members who withdraw or flee from disagreement can’t be allowed to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else engage. Leaders must help them overcome their fears and learn how to become more comfortable expressing dissension.
The first step in this learning process involves including the reticent team member in disagreements on issues that have no consequence.
Playful arguing over favorite shows, service providers, music preferences, and current news events provides these team members with the necessary practice to boost their confidence in the face of opinion differences.
The more leaders practice with debate-adverse team members on issues that don’t matter, the better.
When the time comes and a sticky issue is going to be discussed during a team meeting, good leaders give reticent team members advance warning that they will be turning to them for a viewpoint. While this may create angst, it is the best way to help them overcome their fears.
Once in the discussion, the leader should ask the team member for their view. If they simply concur with others, the leader should push them to describe their view in more detail or to identify any point where they don’t agree.
Thanking them for their input is an important part of this learning process. Rinse and repeat.
With every positive experience these team members have with discord, they gain a greater chance of learning that disagreement isn’t so scary after all, and the success of the team depends on it.
Without disagreement, people and teams don’t make progress. Learning that can be a life-changer for those frightened by debate.
