Field Notes

Smart leaders engaged in disagreements, debates, and emotionally charged interactions often slow down and pause before responding. 

This gives them the chance to collect their thoughts and convey the message they want to send, not the one that pops into their head. 

Statements like “I need a moment to think about that,” “I want to process what I just heard,” “Let me reflect on that for a moment,” and “I want to take in what you just said,” can buy the leader just a little time to reflect and formulate a thoughtful reply. 

The pause also interrupts emotional reactions of both parties and typically lowers the temperature of the discussion just enough to make a difference. 

It takes maturity, emotional intelligence, and sound judgment to take such a pause, and everyone involved knows it. As a result, those involved in and observing the disagreement commonly view the reflective leader as more thoughtful, respectful, and credible. 

Taking a moment for reflection also provides the leader with the time to consider their values, to appreciate multiple views and perspectives, and to project how the other party might respond. 

A momentary delay diminishes the likelihood for escalation of the conflict and shifts the dynamic from a volley of reaction to one of a thoughtful exchange. 

Those leaders who have mastered the art of the pause in disagreement commonly use the same strategy when they discuss a complex problem and recognize that those involved would benefit from some distance from the immediate issue. 

In those situations, leaders may take more than a few minutes to reflect and instead postpone the discussion until later, when everyone has had a chance to achieve more clarity about how they think and feel about the problem or issue. 

“I need some time to gather my thoughts,” or “I’m not sure how I feel about where we are headed, so I want some time to think about the views on the table,” are two of many expressions that tell others it is time to step back and reflect. 

Such statements are rarely rejected or resisted. Notice the statements are not a request. Leaders claim the right to pause as they see fit. 

Of course, a leader who postpones, delays, or pauses to reflect too frequently will likely be seen as indecisive and diffident. 

But leaders who seldom pause the conversation and reflect miss a critical opportunity to be more thoughtful and deliberate in their responses. 

Leaders who too often allow themselves to get caught up in the emotion or enthusiasm of the moment without taking a moment for reflection often regret their responses and decisions for the obvious reasons.

How often do you tell others it is time to take a pause and a moment for reflection, especially during disagreements and disputes? 

If you can’t remember the last time you told others that you needed time to process, think about, or reflect on what was said, perhaps you are too fast on the draw. 

Take the time to gather your thoughts on occasion. Your responses and decisions will be better for it.