When people bait others into offering them praise, they are said to be fishing for compliments. An occasional fishing expedition is to be expected. All leaders and performers like to be validated and know that others are prideful of their talents. But those who crave admiration often go too far and seek attention in a way that reveals a deep insecurity.
Some may sense that frequently seeking to have others say nice things about them actually undermines their credibility. So those addicted to praise turn to a stealthy tactic to feed their need for compliments.
This manipulative sleight of hand occurs when a person says something negative about themselves in the hope that the other party will disagree and confirm the opposite. By suggesting they have a weakness that is clearly a strength, they goad others into recognizing their strongest attributes. It doesn’t get more disingenuous than that!
A highly intelligent colleague might fish like this: “I may not be very bright, but I’ve examined the problem and may have an insight,” in the hopes of receiving a compliment along the lines of, “You are incredibly smart and whatever you have uncovered is worth sharing.”
An attractive colleague might fish with: “I’m looking old and tired lately, don’t you think?” with the hope of garnering a compliment like, “Are you kidding me? You look great.”
A highly organized colleague might fish by saying, “Everything is cluttered and I can’t put my hands on what I need,” in the hope of hearing a compliment like, “You’re the most organized person I know. If you can’t find it, consider it lost forever.”
Fishing for compliments is an attention-seeking behavior unworthy of those with the self-esteem and confidence necessary to lead others. Everyone is guilty of fishing now and again, especially with those we hold in high regard. The validation of the compliment can be very self-affirming. But a pattern of deep sea fishing suggests a highly manipulative and narcissistic individual who seeks compliments to bolster an underlying insecurity that portends other cracks in their leadership psyche.
Asking others for their opinion of our work or performance or seeking suggestions for improvement will produce an occasional compliment that is part of the learning process. For the best among us, the idea is not about fishing for praise, but in learning how others honestly see us and our performance. This is what confident leaders do. Fishing, on the other hand, undermines our ability to learn and instead baits others to praise us simply to make us feel better about ourselves. Not a good look! So the next time you catch yourself fishing, commit to avoiding the tactic in the future. No one worth following should need to have their strengths continually recognized by others.
Leave the fishing to those with a rod.
