It’s somewhat astonishing how often leaders say they stand for honesty and integrity but refuse to deliver a tough and candid message to a colleague.
It’s as if they believe telling people the truth only applies if the message won’t be received poorly or defensively.
Delivering a tough message to a colleague isn’t easy for anyone, but it is excruciatingly painful for some.
For those who find conflict so uncomfortable as to produce anxiety, telling others what they don’t want to hear is to be avoided whenever it can be.
This is a particularly damning flaw for those in the business of leading a team.
Leaders with this affliction often choose to stay silent rather than face the discomfort of delivering harsh, bad, or difficult news to others.
Avoiding a difficult conversation is easily justified by pointing to poor timing, the need for more evidence, or the desire to lead compassionately and positively. Candidness often comes with a price of relational upset, and the cost is just too high for some leaders.
Of course, even the most conflict-avoidant leaders understand that dodging a tough conversation has long-term consequences.
The common assumption is that sidestepping tough conversations denies others the feedback they need to grow, learn, and excel. But there are far more nefarious reasons not to evade delivering a tough message.
In the absence of criticism, news, or feedback that might sting, people presume everything is going well. They remain blissfully unaware of information that might prevent them from making bad choices, annoying others, or planning ahead.
They can’t act on information they never receive.
Because their understandings are incomplete, those who don’t receive a tough message often make poor decisions that are usually not in their best long-term interest.
The upset they may have had from the message can sometimes pale next to the disillusionment and anger they will harbor when they step into the future unarmed with the information they need.
In many cases, leaders who choose not to say anything rather than to deliver a tough message lack the integrity others find essential in leaders.
This becomes a wedge for those colleagues who might take advantage of the weakness.
Once team members learn a leader will postpone or abstain from tough conversations, they will often push boundaries and violate rules and norms, as if daring the leader to say something. They count on the fact that the leader never will, and so they do what they want.
The list goes on.
The downside of eluding tough messages is much bigger than the upside of personal comfort, especially for leaders. Leaders who can’t overcome this deficiency most of the time might consider a different role or position.
Good leaders don’t duck a tough conversation on principle. A leader who won’t deliver a tough message is really no leader at all.
