People with deep insecurities have a peculiar habit. They commonly project those insecurities onto others. In other words, whatever flaw they struggle with is often the focus of their behavior with others.
For instance, leaders who ridicule others about their lack of confidence often struggle with their own self-confidence. Similarly, colleagues who struggle with holding themselves accountable often blame others for their lack of responsibility. Psychologists call this projection.
Any time a person shifts the focus from their own shortcomings onto others, they are said to be projecting. While everyone projects now and again, people (especially leaders) with deep insecurities do so frequently, creating misinformation disguised as feedback.
By attributing their own flaws to others, they avoid having to examine and deal with those deficiencies. This is a game that undermines the integrity of the feedback and criticism colleagues receive. Only rarely does a team member have the same weaknesses as the leader.
When viewed objectively, the ability of people to project significant weaknesses can be highly alarmingly. Consider a team member who does not have a committed work ethic but accuses others of not working hard enough. Or a leader who is wrestling with the urge to engage in an unethical shortcut who comes to believe others are acting unethically. Or a selfish and self-absorbed colleague who is suspicious of everyone else’s intent and self-interest.
Knowing when others are projecting enables us to distinguish between important feedback and nonsense. The key to recognizing projected criticism, as opposed to candid and potentially accurate feedback, is to look for the way the reproval is expressed.
Projected feedback is most typically an accusation. In contrast to constructive criticism, projected feedback is usually expressed in a disparaging way that fully denounces people or actions. When the strength of any criticism is wildly out of proportion, projection is likely the reason.
Another sign of projection is an unexplainable or irrational reaction. When a leader or colleague has an exceptionally strong reaction to something you say or do that has no basis or reasonable explanation, they are likely projecting their insecurities onto you.
To improve and grow, feedback from leaders and colleagues is essential information. People don’t develop without critical feedback. But knowing what criticism to ignore or discard is also crucial.
Projected feedback is rarely accurate and needs to be taken for what it is. Displacing one’s feelings onto another person is something we all do at times. But when it serves as the basis for feedback, it deserves to be cast aside.
And, who knows? You might find flow.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
