The feeling of being intimidated is uncomfortable at best, and terrifying at worst.
At one time or another, everyone has found themselves unnerved by a new challenge, a highly intelligent person, a moment of extraordinary performance, a physically imposing person, or a high-pressure social situation.
When we perceive that someone else has more social, physical, or cognitive power than we do, the imbalance can trigger feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. The same is true when we feel highly scrutinized in an important social situation.
The natural reaction when feeling intimidated is to prevent any embarrassment and ridicule. But in doing so, we often make matters even worse.
People often react by becoming tongue-tied, socially awkward, hesitant, highly deferential, argumentative, or protective when they feel intimidated.
Because they act and engage differently than normal, it becomes painfully obvious to those around them that something is afoot.
The added attention to their reactions usually exacerbates the nervousness they feel, creating a snowball of awkward and ill-timed actions or a complete shutdown and withdrawal from the situation.
In fact, when intimidated, some people simply freeze up and can’t do much of anything gracefully until they escape the situation or person. It’s important to recognize that intimidation is solely a function of perception and belief. People can only become intimidated when they perceive an imbalance of some sort.
You can’t be intimidated by anyone or anything unless you give the perceived differences the power to influence the view you have of yourself. The insecurity associated with intimidation arises from comparison.
When people focus on the contrast between the intimidation source and themselves, feelings of inadequacy can flood their thinking.
Not surprisingly, those with low confidence and self-esteem (generally or in a given situation) can become easily intimidated by fixating on the smallest differences in skill, status, or experience, which they believe highlight their inadequacies.
Not a great way to live.
Feelings of intimidation are never helpful. And finding strategies to prevent them is essential for achieving the highest performance. The most common advice is to remind yourself of your own strengths, skills, and past successes prior to performance or engaging others you find intimidating.
A continuous stream of positive self-talk can keep your strengths top of mind. Doing your best not to make social comparisons to others, and to focus exclusively on your own performance, is another sound recommendation.
Rejecting the urge to compete with or compare yourself to others by choosing not to play by the rules of social status can help to alleviate negative feelings of intimidation.A more unusual approach is to find humor in the situation or person.
Making yourself, the person, or the situation the subject of mild humor can break the tension and shift how you see things. Humor can sometimes lessen your feelings of insecurity and give you a sense of agency over the situation.
It may seem counterintuitive, but self-deprecating humor about your feelings can diffuse the power you give to any comparisons. By poking mild fun (with the inner voice) at how you are feeling or at the people involved, you can redirect your attention away from any contrast or comparison and focus on the absurdity of giving anyone or anything so much influence.
The most important idea is to never accept feelings of intimidation.
It’s in your control to change your perceptions or at least shift what you give attention to. It might be amusing to remember that even those you find intimidating experience their own fears of inadequacy at times. Intimidation has no friends.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
