It should come as little surprise that those leaders with great relationship skills also tend to be highly interesting people.
People pay more attention to, spend more time with, learn more easily from, bond more deeply with, and remember more fondly those they find more interesting.
People move toward those they find more interesting, and they present those folks with opportunities often denied to others whom they find more commonplace.
So, as a result, good leaders work hard to make themselves more interesting.
The formula is more straightforward than many people believe. But to capture it, we must draw a distinction between the ideas of “interest” and “interesting.”
Because people are naturally drawn to those who listen more attentively and are curious and passionate about them, the recipe for becoming more interesting is often thought to be about engagement.
Attending to others more intensely, especially by paying more attention to them, produces more interest.
That’s a fact.
While interest from others is clearly reciprocal, it is not the same thing as finding someone more interesting.
The difference comes down to direction.
Interest in others is about what you give, no matter how exciting they seem. Showing interest is a choice people make to build connection.
Finding others interesting is about what you get or receive, no matter how you attend to them. Interesting people make you feel stimulated, intrigued, and entertained.
It’s not about what you do. It’s about what they do or say.
Sometimes it is the experiences others have that make them interesting to us. People who do things you don’t and have experienced things you haven’t can appear interesting. On the short term.
Someone who climbs mountains, jumps out of planes, races cars, collects rare coins, or crafts unusual cocktails can create intrigue.
If they are good at drawing insights and lessons from their experiences and can tell stories about them, we usually find them more interesting, at least for a while.
But what makes people interesting over the long term is not what they do or have done, but in how they think.
We are most drawn to people who think differently than others.
Not in odd or peculiar ways, but in the way they approach or think about an issue or topic. When people hold unique views about topics we find important or relevant, we naturally find them more interesting.
Generating unique views is not as hard as many believe, although it does take time, deep reflection, and a creative openness to see things others don’t.
While not every topic or issue they engage with requires a unique or novel viewpoint, good leaders make themselves more interesting by searching for a stance or viewpoint of value that others don’t hold.
Leaders who commonly hold a unique or uncommon view on matters of importance are seen as the most interesting people.
For most leaders, the pathway to becoming more interesting through unique viewpoints is simply a matter of intention.
They don’t originate uncommon views just to sound smart. They work hard at finding insights and lessons others don’t see to add value. When they land on one they believe deeply in, they like to share it.
And they become more interesting to others in the process.
How interesting are you? Make it a point to become more interesting this year. That’s an uncommon resolution and a good start.
