Some colleagues are testy with everyone and on any topic.
They take an adversarial stance as their default position and style. This makes them more argumentative, resistant to competing ideas, pessimistic about plans and strategies, and disrespectful of others.
In many cases, team members with an adversarial edge have no idea about how they come across to their colleagues. The antagonist mindset can become so ingrained as to make people largely unaware of their approach and style.
Do you know of someone like that?
Those with this demeanor and approach commonly develop it over many years, so it can’t be turned off with a switch. They enter almost every situation and discussion with an oppositional frame and stay with this focus throughout the exchange.
Aware of it or not, they are highly consistent but usually very difficult to deal with. Some teammates dread interacting with them and choose not to engage them when it can be avoided.
The adversarial colleague typically misreads this evasion. Rather than attempt to understand why others avoid them and give them less feedback, they presume they are winning with their views, which often amplifies their edge.
Other teammates respond in kind, bringing out the worst in their own style when engaging a combative colleague. This makes for occasional fireworks, of argument or conflict, as some colleagues will take issue with this style and won’t allow themselves to be pushed to defend their ideas at every turn.
Leaders are left scratching their heads as to what to do about this.
On the one hand, adversarial colleagues are often quite bright, make valuable contributions, and point out risks or obstacles others miss.
On the other hand, the leader will also find themselves uncomfortable interacting with such colleagues. They simply don’t like the pushback and prodding on every subject.
Good leaders don’t simply accept the idea that people have different communication styles. They set expectations about how people must show respect for others, and when it is most fruitful to take an oppositional stance.
Because they care about the adversarial team member, they do what caring leaders must. They give them the feedback they desperately need, and then they require them to operate with restraint.
Of the many areas and topics of feedback team members receive from each other and from their leaders, criticism about personal or communication style is perhaps the most needed and least provided.
It can be a touchy topic to ask someone to change, alter, or defuse their way of expressing themselves. But because they value the team member and know that their demeanor and approach are undermining their effectiveness with others, it is essential feedback, and the best leaders won’t duck it.
In many cases, a change in style is only waiting for a candid dose of feedback from a credible and caring leader.
But even then, the adversarial team member will likely need more help to correct this long-standing tendency. Coaching, style training, and other forms of assistance may be necessary for a real change to take hold.
While this team member will likely never fully escape their proclivity to think and act oppositionally, they can learn how to adjust and adapt their style to be more collaborative at times.
Giving them this gift is what great leaders do.
