Not everyone likes or appreciates those they work with.
It is inevitable that, on occasion, a leader will find a team member distasteful or stylistically not their cup of tea.
Over time, unless the leader finds their way to more connection or affinity with a disapproved team member, they will often unintentionally “leak” their dislike through their everyday behaviors.
It’s exceedingly hard for most people to hide their true feelings over a long period of time. This is especially true for leaders who must engage a disfavored team member on an everyday basis.
No matter how they might try not to, leaders who loathe a team member will display their distaste in a myriad of ways. Once the disliked party and others on the team notice this objection, it becomes a problem for everyone.
Leaders who dislike a team member express their disdain without being fully aware of how their feelings are on display for everyone to see.
Here are some common behaviors that broadcast dislike for a team member:
They typically spend less time with this person, avoid communicating with them when they don’t have to, avert their attention and gaze away from them in meetings, ignore what they say during discussions, and communicate with them only through email.
They keep their exchanges on topic without reference to personal matters, dismiss their concerns or suggestions, rarely offer them compliments or positive feedback, and answer them in short replies.
The ”forced” nature of their interaction with the disliked team member soon becomes obvious to everyone on the team. This, in turn, makes everyone uncomfortable, and a little bit paranoid.
Because no one knows how and why this team member fell out of favor, other team members become more cautious in their interaction with the leader.
No one wants to receive similar treatment, so they walk delicately in everything they say and do. Before long, the openness of team discussion is negatively affected as well.
What a mess.
Leaders who find distaste with a team member owe it to the team to find a way to coalesce with the disaffected party without creating awkwardness for everyone involved.
This doesn’t mean finding a way to like someone that they don’t. That is not usually realistic. But they must stop communicating indirectly that they abhor a particular person.
The best way to accomplish this is to find a slice of the team member they respect, value, or appreciate.
This might be an obscure quality, value, skill, or talent. By focusing all their attention on this feature, they will often reduce their distaste. But more importantly, they will stop displaying that this team member is a pariah in their eyes.
Ask yourself if you leak your dislike for any of your team members. If you do, the likelihood is that your distaste for one colleague is affecting the dynamic of the entire team.
Take the high road and find a quality of that team member you can admire. Focus all your attention on that quality. You may find a glimmer of positive regard begins to grow.
