People who are fond of each other often engage in good-natured teasing.
Mutual teasing expresses closeness and signals that the parties are comfortable with each other and enjoy the mutual exchange of light humor. It often builds and solidifies relationships by displaying affection in a playful way.
Teasing comes in many forms, including ironic and sarcastic comments and gestures, exaggerated facial expressions, speaking in cartoon voices, and lightly provocative messages.
More clever teasing includes nicknaming (calling a tall person “skyscraper”), imitating (speaking or acting exactly as the other person does), joking accusations (Did you take your meds today?), humorous challenges (I’ll bet you can’t be quiet the rest of the meeting), and exaggerated comments (I see you woke up funny today).
Teasing can also carry feedback. Leaders often tease people to point out a norm violation or to address a disagreement indirectly. Instead of expressing dissatisfaction or asking others to make a change, teasing offers the criticism wrapped in humor to make it easier to accept.
When both parties feel comfortable teasing each other, this friendly fun can be endearing and entertaining.
But any time one party feels as if they can’t tease back or the intention of the tease shifts from endearment to something more harmful, teasing takes on a very different character. Without necessarily meaning to, leaders who tease individuals who do not feel comfortable teasing the leader back can project that they have a special status and enjoy an unequal power.
While the teasing may feel normal to them, those on the receiving end are more likely to interpret the quips as ridicule. Because of the power imbalance, those being teased typically don’t let on that the poking isn’t funny to them.
If they sense the leader may be intentionally trying to humiliate them, they will likely withdraw and stay out of target range whenever they can. All the while, leaders can be oblivious to the negative impact they are having.
Good leaders don’t avoid teasing others. They know how important teasing can be to show others their affection or to make their criticisms less threatening. But they make sure that others feel comfortable teasing them as well.
They do this by making fun of themselves and responding well when others poke fun at them. In some cases, they will even explicitly tell people they are not above being teased back.
Like so many other messages leaders send, the impact of teasing depends on the power balance or imbalance that exists in the relationship. Good leaders engage more often like peers, reducing their status, so they can create the closeness they need to motivate and inspire others.
However, witty teasing isn’t so clever if it demotivates people instead.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
