Team members who expect to be promoted and learn that they have been turned down can be crestfallen.
The disappointment after being rejected for promotion often creates despair, upset, and anguish.
No one likes to be jilted, but being turned down for promotion stings a little bit more than other rejections. That’s because negative promotion decisions can feel like a public verdict on the team member’s future.
Career progress is a big part of a team member’s identity, especially for high-achieving, ambitious people. Being passed over can trigger feelings of public embarrassment or humiliation in front of peers, which can amplify the sting.
Because the decision connects to core psychological needs like status, belonging, and self-esteem, the brain often treats it similarly to physical pain.
This makes it a tough conversation for leaders to have. They too often rush through the message or suffer through the reaction without much of a plan on how to respond.
Because team members view the decision about their potential and value to the organization, they can sometimes respond inappropriately by sulking, challenging, or accusing, making the conversation even more unpleasant for the leader.
False promises, positive remarks, and validating comments don’t typically offer any relief.
Leaders can’t let the frame that the team members use shape the conversation. Team members hear the rejection as a declaration that they are not good enough.
Good leaders reject this framing and quickly move to discuss what can be done about any future decision. When the leader believes this decision is temporary, the words “Not Yet” suggest a confidence that it is only a matter of time before they reach their goal of promotion.
If they have gone through a similar disappointment themselves, now is the time to share the common connection both parties have. But the key is to use this conversation as a springboard toward improvement. Describing why they believe the promotion was not warranted or that the timing was unfortunate can actually make matters worse.
The better choice is to redirect the conversation toward the next promotion cycle and to prepare the team member for it.
Good leaders get specific as to the obstacles that need to be addressed, the results that must be achieved, and the opportunities that must be seized.
Creating a plan of action so the next decision is favorable makes the decision a short-term roadblock and not a declaration about the team member’s value.
Going backward and offering an account or justification solidifies hard feelings. Going forward and plotting the action for progress makes the conversation a catalyst for improvement.
Good leaders don’t allow people to wallow in disappointment if they can avoid it. They reframe the rejection as temporary and quickly move to what can be done to address it.
When team members learn the leader is on their side, rooting for their success, the conversation takes on a different tone. It may not be happy, but the recommendations forward give people the relief they are seeking.
Nothing ventilates the mind like a plan of action.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
