Conflict between team members can upset the delicate balance of collaboration and goodwill on even the best teams. Team members in conflict often ask others to take sides and bring their personal war to nearly every team conversation.
Ignoring this struggle or hoping it will resolve itself on its own is faulty thinking. When the leader and team members “feel” the undercurrent of a conflict between two colleagues, the clash must be addressed, or it will bubble over and affect other relationships and the ability of the team to do its best work.
Good leaders step in and mediate the conflict and bring relief to the team.
For many leaders, the instinct to use their power and authority to settle the conflict is tempting. Explaining that the conflict is affecting the team and is unacceptable rarely resolves anything.
If the team members fear retribution for their struggle, they simply go underground and work to interfere with each other at every turn. The move to demand that the conflict be settled usually makes the conflict worse. Mediation is a better answer.
Mediating a conflict between two disgruntled team members can quickly become messy, especially if the leader lacks the foundation or understanding of what mediation requires. Simply understanding the ground rules of mediation that apply will broadly prepare leaders to do their best in such a difficult challenge.
For a leader to mediate a conflict, they must suspend their role as leader and take on the role of an objective third party. Their job is to listen and find a workable solution in collaboration with the parties in conflict, and not to direct action or take sides if they can avoid it. The first order of business is to ensure that whatever gets said will remain confidential and will not be disclosed to other team members.
The next task at hand is to explore the root cause of the conflict. The leader must ask both parties to share their side of the struggle while being respectful and professional. The ground rule of “no blame or shame” must be in place and enforced by the leader. As the individuals share their stories, the leader’s job is to probe each person’s unique view to afford a clear restatement of the two positions.
Once both parties have explained their version of why the relationship is at odds, the leader as mediator must focus on helping the parties create a workable agreement for co-existing peacefully in the future. No one has to be declared right or wrong. A mutually agreeable solution doesn’t require it. That’s what makes for a great mediation.
The parties work together to craft a resolution or workable agreement without the leader taking a stance as to which party is most to blame. The motto of a leader-as-mediator is described in the Rolling Stones’ lyric: “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well, you might find, you get what you need.”
Leaders help team members discover what they need from each other by forcing the issue. Good leaders play many different roles. When it comes to mediating conflict, sometimes they are just an objective third party.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
