Team members and colleagues sometimes require a provocative challenge to set them free to grow.
Bound to a false belief or opinion, or a behavior with unintended consequences, people sometimes need a bolt of lightning to set them on a different course.
Leaders with the courage to provoke, in a respectful way, can have a tremendous influence on how others develop and flourish as people. However, the relationship dangers involved with taking a provocative stance can inhibit such conversations from ever taking place.
Challenging others to confront a flaw in their thinking or behavior is itself a difficult challenge. It is essential to remember that what makes the message provocative is not the way it is delivered but the surprise it contains relative to current awareness.
That’s what makes offering a provocative challenge so dicey.
No one wants to be confronted with their own hypocrisy or the charge they are doing something harmful to themselves or others. The reaction to a challenge that impugns a deeply held belief or behavior can be severe.
Not only can the person being challenged disagree strongly, but they may also be offended, insulted, or upset by the accusation. In response, they might respond aggressively, withdraw or sit in sullen silence, or stew about the challenge for days and weeks.
Potentially harming the relationship is an outcome any leader or coach planning for a provocation must consider.
To avoid the possible negative reactions of others, good leaders devise a way of introducing a challenge that makes the provocation less threatening and easier to accept. This usually entails setting the stage prior to the provocation to help others accept the bombshell.
Letting the other party understand your intentions and reason for offering the revelation is a smart move.
Consider a framing message that clarifies your reasons and gives the other party a heads-up that an unusually candid conversation will follow:
- “Because I know you would not hold back from confronting me about an important issue, I would like to treat you with the same respect.”
- “I really like and admire you, which is why I want to share something with you.”
- “If I didn’t care about you and your development, I would choose not to be frank with you about something.”
- “I’m one of the people you can count on to always tell you how I see things and I want to share an observation with you.”
Leaders would normally not present a provocative challenge without believing deeply in the substance of their view. While conviction about the flaw and the impact revealing it will potentially have on the other party justifies the risk, the best strategy is to lower the confidence from which the message originates.
Disclaimers that weaken the conviction but not the substance of the challenge will help make the message more palatable and allow the other party to disagree:
- “This is only my observation but…”
- “I could be off base here but…”
- “Perhaps I’m making more of this than I should but…”
Keeping the assertion high while lowering the confidence from which it is offered can do wonders for the acceptance of the challenge.
When leaders know a belief or behavior stands in the way of a colleague’s growth and development, they act to set the record straight. This takes courage, as well as tact.
When a provocative challenge is the only path to helping others reach their potential, great leaders don’t sit idly by. They respectfully bring the reality to light in a way others can best accept.
Provocation does not require a leader to smash the other party over the head with the truth. In its best form, it always holds the relationship equal to the message. That’s why the challenge is worth presenting in the first place.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
