Making new connections and finding new introductions are challenges for even the most gregarious and social people.
Just ask any salesperson.
Relationships don’t just happen. They must be started through an initial conversation of mutual interest.
While some new conversations occur because of proximity, shared assignments or projects, and seeking a resource for work to be done, establishing a relationship through a “cold” one-way introduction is among the scariest and most difficult of human tasks.
If you are ever tasked with finding a way to connect to a person unknown to you, consider using a common connection to grab the person’s attention and to initiate the conversation.
Trusted relationships that both parties have in common make for a more relaxing initial exchange. Neither party needs to have their guard up.
Common connections put people at ease, offer social proof that the other party is safe to speak with, and make the other person feel less like a stranger. The shared context of a mutual relationship reduces uncertainty and reassures both parties that common norms will be followed.
People form new connections more easily when they instantly feel more comfortable. That’s why finding a common connection to those you want to talk to is one of the most natural and effective ways to initiate new relationships.
The good news is that social media now makes it easy to learn of mutual connections you had no idea existed.
Once you have identified a common connection to someone you wish to speak with, consider asking the mutual contact for an introduction. If they are willing to push you to the top of someone’s attention, the initial conversation will be far more likely to occur.
If they feel uncomfortable making the introduction, ask them more about how they know the other party and whether it would be okay for you to mention your relationship with them to break the ice with the desired party.
If they were to deny this request, perhaps their relationship is too thin to lean on, so see if you can find another shared connection.
When you initiate the conversation, be sure to mention the connection upfront or early on. Mutual connections give both parties something to talk about right away.
The shared reference point is a great launching pad into other points of shared interest. Better yet, when both parties know they belong to overlapping social circles, they see the conversation as having less risk and more upside.
Use the sense of belonging they feel to expand the conversation. Go as deep as you can on the issues that made this person interesting to have a conversation with in the first place.
Referring to the shared relationship at other points in the conversation is always a good idea. And be sure to follow up with the person you reference. They will be pleased to know that the circle of relationships has been expanded.
