On occasion, a team member becomes resistant to feedback, listening to it but purposely not putting the advice into action. After multiple attempts to send a stronger message about the same matter, a leader can become exasperated. Their frustration often boils over into confrontation. Or they begin to accept the reality that this team member just won’t change.
But when the behavior at issue rears its ugly head again and again to the detriment of the team, a good leader doesn’t ignore or accept the team member’s unwillingness to take the feedback to heart. They try something new.
One strategy to confront the recalcitrant team member in a positive way is to reverse roles. By asking them to wear your leadership hat, if even for a moment, a leader can often shake things free. What would you say to you if you were me?
Be patient but persistent in waiting for an answer. In many cases, the team member gives themselves a much stronger message than the leader ever would. In almost all cases, the advice they give themselves matches what the leader would generally say.
It’s hard to avoid acting on feedback you give yourself. Reversing roles with the leader gives the team member a fresh perspective and helps them to understand how much of a problem they are creating with their choices. They often act on the same feedback the leader has delivered many times.
Legendary NBA Coach Greg Popovich is known for using this approach to tackle many of the behavior issues created by talented NBA players who often overestimate their own value in relation to the team. Popovich doesn’t put them in their place but reminds them of the role they play in making the team successful.
He then asks them to wear his shoes for a moment. “Okay, you’re the Coach. Now what do you say to you? How would you handle the situation you just created?”
Getting others to internalize feedback, especially when they are resistant to hearing it, is not easy. When others break rules, behave inappropriately, or engage in otherwise unruly ways, one way to carry the feedback is to ask them to produce it as if they were the leader.
Feedback that comes from ourselves to ourselves makes the most lasting impression. If you were me, what would you say to that?
