“I told you so” should never come out of your mouth.
Good leaders do their best never to say it. That’s because they know very few leadership phrases invoke as much distaste, disgust, and defensiveness as those four simple words.
Telling others that you knew all along that they would fail or misstep is akin to a slap in the face. The phrase “I told you so” puts people in their place.
Unfortunately, that place is not one of learning but one of revulsion.
“I told you so” is an unhelpful message that makes others feel foolish, embarrassed, and sensitive.
Not surprisingly, people loathe it, and they react strongly when they hear it. They commonly clam up, withdraw, or become less open anytime a leader says it.
Leaders who use the expression diminish the trust and support necessary for others to admit a mistake or take accountability in the future.
Leaders intuitively know this, but that doesn’t always stop them from letting this expression, or something akin to it, slip out. Some leaders have a deep need to be right and simply can’t stop themselves.
But it is the leader who doesn’t realize they are saying it that creates the most harm. By using other expressions to say the same thing, they insult people without knowing it.
They miss the fact that no matter how they say it, people cringe when they hear it.
“I knew this would happen,” “I tried to warn you,” “What did I tell you?” “Just as I predicted,” “If only people would listen to me,” “I called it,” “Not to say I was right,” “What a surprise,” “I hate to remind you what I said,” and “I figured this would happen” are just a few examples of “I told you so” in disguise.
How often do you say “I told you so” in so many words? It’s time to cut it out of your vocabulary for good.
While alternate phrases may be less direct, they have the same effect. People bristle whenever they hear them and naturally get defensive. Learning is impeded and not propelled by these expressions of righteousness.
Good leaders do their best to avoid saying “I told you so” or to make any reference that reminds people they, the leader, were right and others were wrong.
Instead, they convey support and empathy after a misstep.
After learning in retrospect that their instincts were sound but ignored, they encourage people to explore and talk about the lessons learned. They refrain from throwing the misstep in the face of those who should have listened to them earlier.
They take the high ground and refuse to remind people of their recollected wisdom.
“I told you so” is leadership profanity. Good leaders don’t swear at people when they make an avoidable mistake.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
