It’s hard to know what is important to people unless you ask them.
This is especially true of the small issues that seem insignificant to us but become symbolic to others when we don’t address them or take them seriously.
Conflicts, large and small, are born from one party not giving an issue of great importance to the other party the gravity they believe it deserves.
If you have ever wondered how a conflict exploded over a seemingly trivial matter or action, it’s because it wasn’t inconsequential to them.
When people bring issues to your attention to discuss or resolve, it’s a good idea to ask them this question before attending to it: How important is this to you?
Learning that an issue or matter that you believe is relatively insignificant has great meaning to the other person can be a game-changer and allows you to sidestep hurt feelings or conflict.
Of course, if you are puzzled by the importance of the issue to them, there is nothing wrong with asking the follow-up question — Why? You may gain some critical insights as to how they see the world. And also your relationship with them.
Good leaders make whatever is important to you important to them.
Doing so requires that the leader understand the relative value people place on issues, actions, and people. Once a leader has a better appreciation for why a topic matters, they now have the ability to give it the concern and attention it deserves.
Asking the questions, “How important is it to you?” and “Why?” before discussing issues brought to your attention is a great habit to develop.
The default of asking these questions signals genuine respect and interest in others and encourages people to share openly about what they expect.
When people know that what is important to them will be taken seriously, they feel highly valued and heard. But it all starts with simple inquiry.
Take a moment and think about your involvement in disputes, conflicts, and hard feelings over matters that seem trivial. Odds are, the issues involved in the dispute were of much higher importance to the other party than you might ever have imagined.
By not taking the issue seriously, the other party saw your actions (or lack thereof) as symbolic of the relationship. Thus, they fight and squabble simply because they want to be respected and heard. This is easy to miss.
Two simple questions. They can save you from a whole lot of heartache and unnecessary conflict. Consider making them a habit.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
