“No” is a powerful word, full of strength and conviction. Sometimes it is the only word that works to convey a sense of closure and finality.
“No” leaves little room for misinterpretation. The clarity it creates is unequaled.
The downside of “No” is that it often disappoints people, can be too abrupt, and stifles discussion. It firmly closes the door to any path forward.
For leaders, that is not always the outcome they want. While they desire to create certainty, they typically don’t want to come across as disrespectful, close-minded, or unwilling to engage on other matters.
If used too often, “No” has implications for the relationship because it carries with it the authority to decide and cut off any more discussion.
The long-term impact of a leader who relies on “No” too often is that it fosters a parental atmosphere where team members must seek approval and agreement rather than inspiring discussion or matters to reach a collective view. Team members who receive “No” too often soon stop offering their opinions and viewpoints.
That’s why the best leaders have a full repertoire of language that conveys they have reached a negative conclusion. They find other ways to say “No” in a manner that keeps doors open to discussion. Rather than “No,” “Not a chance,” or “No way,” they use phrases that foster stronger relationships.
Expressions like, “That doesn’t work for me,” “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” “That doesn’t fit in my schedule,” “I’m afraid that won’t work,” “I can’t at this time,” “I’ll have to pass,” “That’s not how I see things,” “I must decline,” “I’m not able to right now,” and “I can’t commit to that” are all more relationally sensitive ways of disagreeing.
This sounds like a trivial matter. But it’s not. How leaders say “No” and how often they use the word affects people’s behavior.
People aren’t bothered by being told that their proposed solution or option is not acceptable. What undermines their willingness to bring ideas to the table is how they are rejected. “No” is short and sour. Good leaders (and parents) use it sparingly.
How often do you say “No”?
You may be more reliant on the word than you realize. One way to find out is by trying not to say it by substituting another expression.
If you find that exceedingly difficult, it may be time to say “No” to yourself.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
