When attempting to foster a deeper and more meaningful connection in a new relationship, asking for help is underrated.
We often feel uncomfortable asking for assistance or help, even with small requests, because of imposition. We’ve been taught that imposing on people is never a way to win hearts and minds. That’s half right.
Asking for favors, making big demands, and requesting others to go out of their way for us, especially in new relationships, is likely to lead to a quick rejection. It takes an impertinent and rude person to ask for something large in a new relationship. It suggests we are bad-mannered and lack the tact to know what is appropriate.
But helping others is what good people do, and a request of a small size can actually foster a connection instead of killing it. This is especially true when the request for assistance involves “picking the brain” of the other party. Asking for a view, perspective, advice, or recommendation is a request others are often pleased to receive and respond to. Good people like to help good people, and it is flattering when others, even those they don’t know very well yet, ask for their help with a viewpoint or suggestion.
Other small requests also forge stronger relationships. Inviting a new relationship to speak at or attend an event tells them they are important to you. Even when people decline, they often feel differently about those who have asked. People like to be asked, and when it includes lending a hand, it makes them think of the relationship in a favorable way.
A somewhat larger request that can foster a deeper connection is to ask others to teach you something they know. This is more than asking for an opinion or perspective. In this request, the other party is asked to share their knowledge in a more expansive way. While this is an imposition requiring real time, most good people feel honored by this request, even if they are unwilling or not in a position to do so.
The idea you want to learn from this person and would do anything for that chance acts like a magnet to attract positive affect. Of course, sincerity matters most. If done just to create goodwill, the request will usually backfire.
Most people are good souls. They hold positive values, stand for quality, and act with good intentions. Better yet, they have a real desire to help good people, even relative strangers. Using this to your advantage is never deceptive or manipulative. Asking people for help is a relationship intensifier. If the request for help is sincere, everyone wins.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
