Decisions make for winners and losers. Some people benefit from the decision, while others view the decision as disadvantageous to them. Getting comfortable with an unpopular or detrimental decision can be extremely difficult for people.
While telling others to “grow up,” accept the decision, and move on seems like a good call, exceptional leaders feel compelled to get people more comfortable with the outcome.
Just directing them to do so often lacks empathy, concern, and consideration. More importantly, it typically hardens feelings and promotes resistance. Rather than telling people to accept what they can’t control, the better choice is to take some ownership for their discomfort.
While this may seem false or insincere at first glance, the truth is that good leaders take some degree of ownership of everything team members experience negatively, regardless of what or who caused the exasperation.
By taking responsibility for their discomfort, good leaders flip the script and promote acceptance of the decision.
The critical move is to engage the disappointed colleague with a simple question: What can I do to get you more comfortable with the decision?
If such a question seems absurd to you, consider the role leaders play in gaining buy-in and encouraging people to embrace change. The expression of wanting to help both acknowledges the discomfort and suggests the leader appreciates how difficult the decision might be to swallow.
More importantly, it offers a helping hand to navigate the change. In all likelihood, there is nothing the leader can truly say or do that will ease the distaste the other party is feeling.
But the willingness to discuss the issue, explain the decision, and support the grieving colleague can have a profound impact on their attitude going forward.
Sometimes it is not the help but the desire to help that soothes hard feelings. Consider adopting a view that great leaders ascribe to: That they own any problem or ill-will their team members experience, even if they are the cause.
Placing the burden of their discomfort partially on your shoulders as a leader will likely change how they view both you and the decision. “What can I do?” is a common refrain for good leaders.
Applying it to a negatively viewed decision illustrates what it really means to care about people and their buy-in.
What can we do to get you more comfortable with this approach?
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
