Experienced leaders and smart thinkers can sometimes fall into a habit of telling people they are wrong before they give them what they consider a better answer or view.
The idea of pointing out that others are wrong in their thinking, approach, or conclusion seems like a natural way to sway them toward a better view, but it actually creates resistance and undermines any persuasion that might occur.
The fact is, no one likes to be told they are wrong. Once told they are wrong, people stop listening and get defensive about their views. They disengage and focus on what they believe and why, often neglecting to fully hear or consider the so-called better answer.
The shock, dismay, or offense of being told they are wrong lasts beyond the initial negative reaction. By the end of the conversation, they are often still thinking about how they could be wrong and how offensive it is to be told that.
Stylistically and substantively speaking, there is little upside in telling people they are wrong. The better choice is to avoid ever labeling what others think or conclude as wrong, and instead simply emphasize how right you are.
For instance, a leader doesn’t have to tell a team member or colleague who has proposed a workable solution to a problem that what they have suggested is infeasible, unrealistic, or wrong. Instead, they can listen and exclaim that they believe in a better way to solve the problem.
Telling others how right you are doesn’t require you to engage their proposal at all. Remember, the urge to clarify the disagreement is an old habit based on the idea that we must prove to people that they “don’t get it” before we attempt to persuade them.
But just labeling what they believe as wrong doesn’t prove anything. Unless you are willing and have the time to point out exactly why the idea is wrong, the better choice is to refrain from the statement and tell the other party just how right you are.
“Interesting suggestion, let me tell you what I believe…” or “I haven’t thought of that, but let me tell you what I have thought of…” are examples of not calling out what is wrong but instead moving quickly to what you believe is right.
Those addicted to telling people how wrong they are often do so without recognizing how frequently they correct people and engage in this unsavory practice. Count and see how many times you tell others in a week that they are wrong. For some leaders, this is a big number. They have trained themselves to negate others before offering their view. It doesn’t have to be this way. The better habit is to give up telling others they don’t get it and to focus on what you believe is right.
The time is now to stop telling people they are wrong. Tell them how right you are instead. You’ll find they tune in, discuss, debate, and engage. Everyone is wrong now and again, but good leaders don’t rub it in. They simply point to a better path forward.
