Leaders and team members have countless opportunities to ask or invite others to engage or partake in things that really matter to them.
Whether asking for money, inviting someone to a gathering, offering a solution, making an introduction, recommending a stretch assignment, or sharing a valuable resource, the opportunity to ask, offer, recommend, and invite happens every day.
Some leaders and team members are highly reluctant to make “the ask.” They feel uncomfortable about “selling” what they believe in or think asking is too self-promotional.
The result is often inaction.
So, sales leaders don’t reach out to prospects, corporate leaders don’t invite clients to experiences, and team members don’t make introductions.
In every case, they are making the decision for the other party instead of letting them decide.
The reasons leaders and team members don’t ask are many, and they are deeply felt.
Perhaps they don’t want to appear pushy or salesy. Maybe they fear burning social capital. They likely fear rejection. They convince themselves the timing isn’t perfect. The list goes on.
Regardless of the reason, many leaders and team members don’t realize that not acting or staying silent isn’t neutral. It’s a conscious choice to decide for someone else.
By not asking or inviting, they are being presumptuous.
They are deciding on behalf of someone else that the opportunity isn’t right for them, that they wouldn’t be interested, that they don’t want to be bothered.
In reality, that is more off-putting than the ask could ever be.
If leaders and team members believe what they are offering has genuine value, then the respectful thing to do is to share it and let the other party decide.
It is, frankly, impolite to deny others the opportunity by making a quiet decision for them. As marketing guru Seth Godin puts it, failing to invite is denying someone the chance to opt in.
In an odd way, not asking is a form of rejecting yourself preemptively to avoid possible discomfort. By prioritizing your comfort over their autonomy, you exclude them by omission.
The fear of asking, inviting, and offering often spikes because rejection feels personal. A refusal or “No” feels like a slap in the face.
It doesn’t have to be seen that way. Those who overcome the inaction don’t see the ask as approval-seeking. They view their role as surfacing options.
Whatever response occurs is data about timing, capacity, or priority. It is not a verdict about them. The ask is about discovery.
Once asking becomes a diagnostic act, not a bid for validation, the emotional charge and discomfort disappear.
People quick to invite or offer don’t apologize for asking. Instead, they encourage agency and autonomy.
They refuse to make the decision for others: “I just wanted you to know.” “I thought the decision should be yours.” “I figured you would want the option to decide.”
Whether the response is yes or no is largely immaterial. The goal is to give people the choice.
As famed motivational speaker Zig Ziglar liked to remind his audiences: “If you don’t ask, the answer is already no.”
