Some listeners take over the conversation by interrupting, changing the topic, or focusing on themselves without any intention to understand what the other party has to say.
Metaphorically speaking, they steal the ball away from those speaking. And run with it. People quickly get fed up with them.
You might recognize this ploy from someone you know. You say: “I can’t wait to tell you about my new car.” Before you get the last word out, they grab the conversation and run with it: “I got a new car last year. It still smells new even though it has 25,000 miles on it.”
They go on to describe their car without any curiosity about yours. Their actions direct the conversational flow away from you and onto themselves.
Or you might say something like: “I’ve been thinking a lot about the assignment and how we might approach it.” Their response: “I was thinking of eating outside today. Would you like to join me?”
By abruptly shifting the topic, they steal the ball and the substance of the conversation.
Or you might begin describing your view about the assignment: “This project comes with multiple layers and issues …” But before you can complete the thought and sentence, they finish it for you. “…that are going to require innovative solutions to address.”
They are so self-focused that many of these conversational thieves don’t even realize they are doing it or how rude and condescending it can be.
If you work or live with a ball stealer, you are used to their antics, but that doesn’t make interacting with them any easier.
They steal the ball in meetings, at the dinner table, during presentations, and anywhere they believe their opinions or viewpoints matter more than what anyone else has to say. Which normally means everywhere.
If you allow them to maintain this pattern, you are stuck with the frustration and annoyance that comes with it, not to mention that the lousy listener never hears what you or anyone else thinks.
You would do them a favor by pointing out their nasty habit and asking them to change their dreadful ways.
For those with a chronic pattern of ball stealing, the best way to help them is to record a conversation with them and then to play it back. Listeners who steal the ball are typically unaware of how they redirect any conversation and make it about them.
They are usually aghast when they are forced to engage with a recording of what they do. They will most often apologize profusely.
All they need to begin rejuvenation is a request to allow you and others to finish what you start.
It may sound cruel or uncaring to record a ball stealer and ask them to listen to their dysfunctional conversational style, but you would actually do them a great service.
No one wants to be around a ball stealer, and their relationships and work suffer as a result.
Once confronted with a recording, now any time they violate the norm of allowing others to finish, all you have to do is remind them that they need to let others complete what they are saying.
While this doesn’t diminish their desire to steal the ball and take center stage, it will slowly change how they listen. What a wonder that would be.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
