People don’t separate the content of feedback from the person giving it.
The source of the feedback we receive is as important as the message itself. People judge the value of the feedback almost entirely on who is delivering it.
Once those receiving the feedback conclude that the giver has the experience, skill, and context to make them believable, the judgment of motive takes center stage.
For the feedback to land successfully, those on the receiving end must believe the giver is trying to make them better and improve their performance. Their intentions must be perceived as trying to help.
When there is even the slightest doubt the feedback giver does not have the receiver’s best interests at heart, the message will be resisted, rejected, or repudiated.
People naturally defend themselves from harm. If it is not clear that the feedback giver is offering the criticism to help, then people presume it is designed to hurt or cause distress and respond accordingly.
Because many leaders, parents, and coaches use feedback as a weapon to torment or wound others, people are on guard against negative intentions.
And since feedback typically contains negative information, it is easier to presume the intentions of the giver are underhanded. Not surprisingly, the more critical the message, the more likely it is for others to perceive threat.
So, effective feedback givers must convince those on the receiving end that their intentions are pure, and the feedback is offered to help them improve, and for no other reason.
Making their intentions clear by stating them out loud (“I offer this criticism to enhance your performance”) is a sound strategy but begins to sound inauthentic and contrived with high repetition.
The best leaders do something remarkably simple to clarify their positive intentions: They tie the feedback to specific goals and outcomes before offering it.
Explaining “why” they are giving the feedback, by first stating the goals, leaders more naturally make the case that their intentions are benevolent.
“I want you to nail this presentation and have everyone remembering your key points, so I would offer a few suggestions to make it better.”
The more specific the goal, the more transparent the intention to help.
Get in the habit of specifying the goals or desired outcomes before offering others feedback. You will find they are more receptive and less suspicious of your criticisms.
Better yet, they will act on what you tell them. And that’s always your goal with feedback—to change behavior or improve performance.
Anything else is just catharsis — or worse.
A Daily Dispatch from the Front Lines of Leadership.
