People want to be validated and confirmed by those who lead them. Whereas validation recognizes the value of what people do, highlighting their contribution and quality, confirmation underlines the importance of what they say and think.
Leaders who are highly confirming of others build trust in a way validation by itself can’t.
The critical practice of confirming begins by recognizing that what others say is vitally important to them. Statements like, “You seem fired up about this,” “I can tell you’ve thought a lot about this,” “This has obviously caused you to worry,” and “What you’re saying makes perfect sense,” all suggest to others that what they have espoused matters. This legitimates who they are, not the opinion they espouse.
Confirmation underscores the value of how others see the world without endorsing their worldview. By accepting another person’s view of themselves through what they say and think, we show them deep respect. In this way, we honor them without necessarily agreeing with their positions or views.
This confirmation is vitally important and creates a foundation from which greater honesty can arise between both parties. As Laozi famously said, when we fail to honor people, “They fail to honor you.”
Confirming others not only honors them, but promotes true dialogue. Facilitating shared understanding is about creating a safe space where others can speak up and speak into the conversation.
Creating dialogue is about taking the conversation deeper to a place with more candid exploration of ideas, feelings, and understandings.
When we confirm others, affirming them and accepting their concerns, we effectively invite them into the conversation and implicitly encourage them to take the conversation beneath the surface level of an interaction.
Trust between leaders and team members is elevated or diminished with every conversation. Confirming what others say, think, and believe promotes a shared understanding that increases trust.
The idea of confirmation gets less attention than it should. Consider building it into your leadership conversations. Everyone covets being confirmed by those they respect. Leaders who make it a habit enjoy the benefits of deeper and more honest relationships. Not bad for such a simple thing to do.
