When some leaders or team members can’t convince the team to see things their way, they often push the point too far. Their need to be right or to have their way requires them to keep the debate alive. They continue adding reasons why they are right or the team is wrong.
Their credibility is in jeopardy. Yet, they plow ahead anyway. This tells everyone that they are ego-involved and unlikely to defer to the wisdom of the team. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, as they say.
Of course, the more they dig in and push the point too far, the more likely the team will be to resist whatever they are advocating. Heavy-handed attempts to bully a team almost always create a boomerang.
The more they push, the more the team pushes back, even though this can sometimes mean everyone goes silent. Everyone in the room asks themselves: Why are you not giving this up? What do you think we are missing?
Team members don’t trust the arguments of colleagues who advocate more strongly than they should. They suspect, and rightly so, that the colleague has an agenda or an immaturity streak that doesn’t allow them to lose the argument. This person just can’t stop themselves. Even when they recognize what is unfolding, as they overplay their hand, the need to win the day dominates, and they continue to sabotage their advocacy.
Coaching team members who have a deep need to be right to instead have a balanced and measured approach to their advocacy is no cakewalk. Leaders first must ask those who push too hard to separate their passion for the idea from their desire to get their way no matter what.
Quite often, team members who go too far will attribute their tactics to passion. This is how they justify their actions. By distinguishing between passion and anti-social tactics of advocacy, a leader has the potential to make a dent in this colleague’s overbearing manner.
It’s essential to explain to the pushers that, while their enthusiasm is appreciated, they can’t make a sport out of being right. Once that point is established, the conversation should turn to what it means to be respectful to colleagues.
Pushers rarely believe they are acting disrespectfully when they go too far in their advocacy. Pointing out that respecting colleagues includes accepting their disagreement can sometimes reveal the wickedness of their ways.
Conquering others through brute force is never as satisfying as conquering yourself through new insight. For those who push too hard and too far in their advocacy, sometimes it just takes a leader to hold up a mirror to get them to see things differently.
We could push this point further, but we will set a better example.
