Experts in negotiation, education, and decision-making have long promoted the benefits of finding common ground before beginning difficult discussions, debates, and negotiations.
The foundation of common ground brings people together, shows them to be more alike, and serves to make them less adversarial. Common ground includes shared interests, opinions, mutually advantageous options, and values.
Exploring shared values, in particular, has been shown to smooth the pathway toward cooperation in any subsequent exchange. Having one shared value that applies more precisely to any difficult discussion is a working principle that will guide the exchange.
This is more than a procedural suggestion. It is a commitment by all the parties involved to live up to a standard that promotes collaboration and good intentions.
Consider this handful of principles:
- That the purpose of the discussion is to find the best solution, not to win the argument.
- That covering old ground and reviewing past arguments is off-limits as a way to look forward.
- That the parties could disagree without either side being wrong.
- That the parties may not have all the information they need to reach a conclusion.
- That both parties could be mistaken in their views and assumptions.
- That a workable solution is going to take compromise on the part of all the parties.
By agreeing to an operating principle before launching into any discussion, debate, or negotiation, the parties begin with the tangible evidence that they can work together cooperatively without being disrespectful.
While there are no right or best principles, they are not to be considered as simply ground rules, agendas, or meeting objectives. Nor are they hopeful guidelines for getting along, such as agreeing to listen attentively during the discussion.
Instead, they constitute a working commitment to collaborate productively that will serve the parties in the ensuing exchange. Good principles acknowledge something that is not easy or obvious, and they are specific enough to guide the interaction once it begins.
The team or parties need to agree to only one standard or precept to set the collaborative tone that will benefit them.
Good leaders are fast to propose one they like and seek agreement on the principle from the outset. (In the unusual event that the parties cannot agree to the working principle, the leader might consider the implications of attempting any discussion in such a moment.)
Agreeing to something as meaningful as an operating principle prior to a discussion or debate is a quick win and demonstrates to those involved that they could find agreement when they need to. It’s a great way to start, and it establishes the common ground that the parties need most to succeed.
What principle will you propose before your next thorny discussion?
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