A surprising number of leaders don’t listen to understand. They listen to disagree.
This approach to listening allows leaders to stand out for their expertise, intelligence, and conviction.
Unfortunately, it also robs them of their ability to connect with and learn from others, making them susceptible to poor decisions, false assumptions, and untested viewpoints.
Simply stated, leaders who listen to disagree process information in order to discern difference. They don’t listen to understand the views of others. They listen to find discrepancy.
By listening for points of disagreement, they treat each difference as a validation for their own view. All the while, they maintain an internal dialogue about where others are misinformed, uninformed, or simply mistaken.
Fixated on finding the flaws in what others say, such leaders often miss important points and information ignored as irrelevant. Listening to disagree blinds them to the limits of their own understanding. Because they start from a place of certainty, they are constantly drafting their rebuttal.
The primary goal is to expose the flaws in how others think and perceive. Their need to be right outweighs any benefit of learning from others. Or even simply listening to their views.
This approach turns listening from a receptive act to one of offense. They remain continually primed to disagree.
They are always armed to ask questions or make statements that illustrate exactly where others have gone wrong. When the disagreement is wide, their assertions can convey contempt or incredulity. To justify their stance, they often resort to dismissing or belittling competing views.
Not surprisingly, leaders who listen to disagree are often seen as combative, argumentative, and arrogant. Those around them quickly learn not to share too much of what they believe, since doing so invites immediate challenge.
Over time, people around them learn to tell them what they want to hear. Honest input dries up. Team members learn to come prepared to defend themselves. Or disengage.
Just about everyone makes the mistake of listening to disagree on occasion. That rebuttal echoing in your head while others talk is a telltale sign.
Meantime, leaders addicted to disagreement carry on creating real havoc for everyone around them.
When curiosity, learning, and personal growth take a backseat to the goal of being the smartest person in the room, listening becomes a weapon, not a tool for shared understanding.
Maybe you know a leader who listens to disagree. Share this Field Note with them. But don’t be surprised if they argue against it while they are reading it.
